Total student loans: $15,875.39

Hi, I'm Rachel. I'm 31 years old now, and I have a full time developer job, and I'm currently working on paying off my student loans by throwing over half my monthly income into payments each month.

It's now August of 2019, and I last worked on this in December of last year. As I've been working as a developer, I've been steadily getting more internally frustrated and depressed at not doing any game development - an artist has to do art, ya'know? :P
A lot of it has been, what do I work on? What tools? What platforms? And just feeling frustrated that I can't just work on a game for fun for the sake of it, like my old games (Rawr Rinth)... I hate having to worry about cross-platform-ality and trying to find a tool that runs in Linux AND is not-proprietary AND that I enjoy using. And developing for mobile sucks. And if I am going to make an educational game for kids, it should probably be on mobile. And aggh.

I've also messed around with doing engines in various languages, or trying to revive my Kuko engine, but I realize I'm not moving forward at all on anything. I have a mostly-done-with-scripting-but-needs-art-and-polish Visual Novel that I don't feel inspired to keep on with.

OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY. So now I'm just like...

A tweet by @Moosader that reads, "Me before: I should make this engine with all these features so when I do start a new project it's just POOF every thing works already. Me now: JUST. FUCKING. WRITE. SOMETHING."

I know if I just had A GOAL and A PROJECT that I could slowly make progress on it over time, a few steps here and there. So far I've been wasting all this time on analysis paralysis.

IT'S TIME TO JUST FREAKING MAKE SOMETHING. In whatever language I want. To not worry about its "sellability" (I'm not going to sell it I have a FT job for bills now). To not worry about the platform. To not worry about anything.


Instead of constantly feeling like I have to monetize my free time.

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