I don't know if it's just be, but I DON'T think it's just me, but I have no idea how to cope with working a stressful full-time job and coming home in the afternoon and being too tired to do ANYTHING creative. I could be working on my language zine, I could work on a cute website, I could work on this game, but I'm too depressed to do anything. No video games even sound good. I just want to sleep, but sleep brings the following day even faster, and I have to repeat the cycle all over again.

Sure, nothing lasts forever, but even thinking about spending the next three months repeating the same thing I've been doing for the next seven just sounds like an eternity. I've been more depressed, more anxious, and more stressed since I left teaching... Sure, I was over-worked as a teacher, but geeze at least it felt useful, important, creative, and I felt appreciated. I was given autonomy.

It's hard to look forward into the future. Pay off the student loans, hopefully by December, and then what? Keep working to save money? Buy a house and go into more debt? Go back to school for my Masters degree and get more debt? Have/adopt a kid and keep working to support 'em?

It doesn't have to be this way. I could get the same amount of work done in a 30 hour work-week. The 40 mark is so arbitrary. Software development as an industry doesn't have to be awful, but it is. Nothing has to be the way it is, but our economic and social system is built around what's best for capital, not for any of us as individuals; it's not about maximizing the average person's happiness, it's about hording wealth and power.

I don't know what to do with myself. I'm trying to detach myself from feeling like I have to do game development, but I also feel equally as lethargic towards other projects. I know I don't have to work on projects, but what else am I going to do with my spare time? Get really good at Overwatch? Yeah right.